It's tough being a mom. It's even tougher when some one makes you feel like an inferior one. That happened to me last week. It was not intentional, but I felt convicted all the same. This is not the first time it has happened and I know it won't be the last. I had some friends over last week to swim and we were all having a good time. Even our baby was enjoying a little water time. One of my friends has this adorable, cherub like, cutie-patutie who is about 8 months old. She was in the pool with him the whole time. And not pushing him around in a baby float, like me; she was holding him and helping him to try and swim and playing with him. Half the time I let my friends push my baby around. I was barely with her in the pool and she spent the whole time in the floatie. I feel terrible about it. Three kids in and I've gotten lazy. I should play with my kids more. Thank you Mrs. M. for enlightening me. You're a great mom!
While I'm mad at myself for getting complacent I'm glad I noticed before it was too late.
About Me
- The Unplanned Housewife
- I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
The Boy
The following incident perfectly exemplifies my son's personality. I was in the kitchen when my daughter came in and said, "Mom, come look." I hate when my children say that. It could mean everything from there's dirt on the window to my brother just cut his arm off. This time it meant that my sweet little boy had decided to swing from the chandelier like some cartoon super hero running to save the day. Unlike cartoon chandeliers, ours does fall from the ceiling when a 37 pound boy swings from it. I found the chandelier hanging from the safety cable and my son cowering behind his tool box, peering over the top with his 'please don't be mad at me' smile on his face. He turns four tomorrow. We're in trouble.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Spontaneous Affection
The last week or so has been pretty challenging with my kids. They had Vacation Bible School every evening and the increased activity made them CRANKY. My son has been feeling his nearly 4 year old oats and is testing every single boundary we have given him. The baby was woken up from her nap almost every day which makes her extra fun to be around and my oldest is still adjusting to having me around all the time, telling her what to do. To say the least, it's been challenging.
This morning while we were getting ready for church my daughter came in, gave me a big hug and said, "You are the greatest mom in the whole world. I love you." I'm not ashamed to say it melted my heart. For every one of those sweet statements I get about 50 telling me how mean or unfair I am. And yet somehow, that one unsolicited, genuine show of affection makes all the negative mean stuff vanish.
Just a few minutes later, I was on the floor putting on my shoes when my son came in to say good morning. We were exchanging some early morning pleasantries (a big squeezy hug and collection of kisses) when my husband called him back to his room to get his shoes on. I'll never forget his face, he looked toward his dad, then me and in the blink of an eye, decided before he could leave, he needed to give me the sweetest kiss on the cheek I have ever had. I nearly cried. There was no reason for it, he just put his hand on my shoulder, leaned over and planted one on my cheek.
We have pretty good kids, but they have their moments just like any other children. Now that I stay home, I get the full brunt of their frustration. Mornings like today keep me going. Maybe it takes all the whining, crying, fighting and talking back to truly appreciate those little moments.
This morning while we were getting ready for church my daughter came in, gave me a big hug and said, "You are the greatest mom in the whole world. I love you." I'm not ashamed to say it melted my heart. For every one of those sweet statements I get about 50 telling me how mean or unfair I am. And yet somehow, that one unsolicited, genuine show of affection makes all the negative mean stuff vanish.
Just a few minutes later, I was on the floor putting on my shoes when my son came in to say good morning. We were exchanging some early morning pleasantries (a big squeezy hug and collection of kisses) when my husband called him back to his room to get his shoes on. I'll never forget his face, he looked toward his dad, then me and in the blink of an eye, decided before he could leave, he needed to give me the sweetest kiss on the cheek I have ever had. I nearly cried. There was no reason for it, he just put his hand on my shoulder, leaned over and planted one on my cheek.
We have pretty good kids, but they have their moments just like any other children. Now that I stay home, I get the full brunt of their frustration. Mornings like today keep me going. Maybe it takes all the whining, crying, fighting and talking back to truly appreciate those little moments.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Mom with a Dog with a Blog
It's official. We have our new dog. She's a beautiful, three month old, shelter coonhound named Clara. It's only been two days and we couldn't ask for a better puppy. She's gentle and calm with the baby and hasn't torn anything up... yet. It has taken a while for her to relax, so tomorrow she may be a crazy nut job, but for now, she's awesome. Oddly, I already feel calmer and safer in my house. It's not like she's an attack dog or anything, but somehow I've stopped looking over my shoulder for the ghost of Christmas future and quit wondering if there's some psycho killer behind every closet or curtain.
The strangest part is I feel territorial for Winston. He was a fabulous dog and it is very weird to see some other dog eat out of his bowls and lay in his kennel or on his bed. I don't want to share them with Clara, but I'm also too cheap to go out and buy new ones. It's like I'm betraying his memory by letting another animal use his stuff. So odd.
I know I'm crazy to get a dog now. I have three kids, one is just barely a year old and this is my husband's "busy" travel season. But I think I can handle it. I just watch to make sure she doesn't chew anything she shouldn't. I already do that with the baby. I make sure she gets out to do her business. I already do that with the two older kids; only I make sure they get to the bathroom; except, of course, for my son when he's peeing on the grass. I make the kids feed her, so thus far it hasn't been too bad. Of course everything looks rosy after just 48 hours. The new puppy goggles will come off soon and the poop will hit whatever she poops on.
The strangest part is I feel territorial for Winston. He was a fabulous dog and it is very weird to see some other dog eat out of his bowls and lay in his kennel or on his bed. I don't want to share them with Clara, but I'm also too cheap to go out and buy new ones. It's like I'm betraying his memory by letting another animal use his stuff. So odd.
I know I'm crazy to get a dog now. I have three kids, one is just barely a year old and this is my husband's "busy" travel season. But I think I can handle it. I just watch to make sure she doesn't chew anything she shouldn't. I already do that with the baby. I make sure she gets out to do her business. I already do that with the two older kids; only I make sure they get to the bathroom; except, of course, for my son when he's peeing on the grass. I make the kids feed her, so thus far it hasn't been too bad. Of course everything looks rosy after just 48 hours. The new puppy goggles will come off soon and the poop will hit whatever she poops on.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Getting rid of baby... stuff
The time has finally come to start getting rid of baby stuff. My husband and I have not decided 100% that we are done, but we are about 98% sure. We've had a lot of the "stuff" for 8 years and while it has served it's purpose, I really don't want to store it anymore. I have a friend who could really use a lot of it, so I thought it would be perfect to give it to her. And she is grateful. What I didn't anticipate, was how weird I would feel about it.
Getting rid of the stuff really solidifies that we won't be having anymore kids. I really don't want to be pregnant again and having a fourth person in my life that screams at me all day just might send me over the edge. Still, it's sad.
I'm not much of a pack rat and don't normally get attached to things, but I nearly cried when I saw the saucer and swing go into my friend's car. There are so many memories tied to those objects. All three of my kids enjoyed the saucer and even though our son cried every time he got near the swing, I remember that. My oldest spent hours in the swing. She loved it and still loves to swing. It's hard to explain the ache in my heart. It's not like I've lost anything. My children are still alive and healthy and I remember practically everything; their first hurts, their first laughs, their baby talk, everything. Maybe it's time that's making me sad. My children will only be babies once and never again. This signals the beginning of the end. Soon they'll be in high school, then college (hopefully) and then they'll get married and start their own lives...... without me.
I know it's way too early to be this kind of upset about my children leaving me. I guess I just need to look on the bright side; if the economy keeps up this way, they may never be able to leave our house.
Getting rid of the stuff really solidifies that we won't be having anymore kids. I really don't want to be pregnant again and having a fourth person in my life that screams at me all day just might send me over the edge. Still, it's sad.
I'm not much of a pack rat and don't normally get attached to things, but I nearly cried when I saw the saucer and swing go into my friend's car. There are so many memories tied to those objects. All three of my kids enjoyed the saucer and even though our son cried every time he got near the swing, I remember that. My oldest spent hours in the swing. She loved it and still loves to swing. It's hard to explain the ache in my heart. It's not like I've lost anything. My children are still alive and healthy and I remember practically everything; their first hurts, their first laughs, their baby talk, everything. Maybe it's time that's making me sad. My children will only be babies once and never again. This signals the beginning of the end. Soon they'll be in high school, then college (hopefully) and then they'll get married and start their own lives...... without me.
I know it's way too early to be this kind of upset about my children leaving me. I guess I just need to look on the bright side; if the economy keeps up this way, they may never be able to leave our house.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Things a SAHM Needs
I have discovered the things a woman needs in order to be a SAHM! No really. This is the essential list!
1. Kids! Obvious I know, but not everyone would think of it. In a lot of ways being a SAHM would be much easier without them. They are what makes being a SAHM...... challenging.
2. A supportive husband. Without one, you're a single mom. As a SAHM, a patient husband with a good set of listening ears makes a world of difference. It's important that he values your non-monetary contribution just as much as you value his monetary contribution. There's nothing more damaging to a marriage than conversations about "his" money. Even more important is that he realizes that your job is 24-7 and time away from the kids is NECESSARY.
3. Friends! (you can complain about your husband with) Friends are the people who will take your children away when you really need a break. They won't judge you when you forget diapers or show up to a playdate without a shower.
4. SAHM friends. Friends are great, but if they aren't home all day like you, you will be seriously lonely. SAHM friends are the only way to have something to do during the day that does not involve people under 5 foot tall. Also, no matter how good your working friends are, they will never be able to understand what it's like to be you.
5. Ten minute hobbies. You need something "grown up" to do during the day. Maybe not everyday, but something at least a few times a week. Unfortunately because you stay home you'll have 15 minutes at most to do anything uninterrupted. I know this seems odd because most kids nap, but getting more than 15 minutes, in my experience, just isn't possible.
6. A good sense of self. It is so easy to lose yourself in your children when you work. As a SAHM, it is super easy for your entire being to wrapped around your children. While that can make you a great mom, it sets you up for a big heartache when your children leave the nest. I would argue that having a strong identity outside of your children makes you an even better mom and a better wife. That doesn't mean you ignore your children and work out at the YMCA for 4 hours everyday, but it's important to know who you are without your children.
7. A date night. My husband and I rarely went on dates before I stayed at home. We just felt with both of us working it wasn't fair to the kids to leave them with a babysitter every Friday night. We found plenty of time to be together without kids. We would take a long lunch and go to a movie or have stay-at-home dates after the kids went to bed. Between not having a lunch time babysitter (daycare) and the allure of stay-at-home dates gone now that I'm home all day, we just don't seem to get much time alone. So, we have to be a lot more deliberate in making sure we get away.
And last, but not least...
8. A willingness to be unappreciated. This is by far the hardest thing. At work there is (hopefully) a daily sense of accomplishment and at the very least a pay check to let you know what you do is valuable. That doesn't happen as a SAHM. Your kids take your presence for granted, your husband takes your presence for granted. I have a fellow SAHM friend who said, "It's great being a SAHM because I take care of the margins. If something comes up, my stuff can get dropped (because my stuff always gets dropped) and I can take care of it." For your own sanity you have to be willing to let your stuff get dropped. This has been by far the most difficult part for me, but I'll get there.
1. Kids! Obvious I know, but not everyone would think of it. In a lot of ways being a SAHM would be much easier without them. They are what makes being a SAHM...... challenging.
2. A supportive husband. Without one, you're a single mom. As a SAHM, a patient husband with a good set of listening ears makes a world of difference. It's important that he values your non-monetary contribution just as much as you value his monetary contribution. There's nothing more damaging to a marriage than conversations about "his" money. Even more important is that he realizes that your job is 24-7 and time away from the kids is NECESSARY.
3. Friends! (you can complain about your husband with) Friends are the people who will take your children away when you really need a break. They won't judge you when you forget diapers or show up to a playdate without a shower.
4. SAHM friends. Friends are great, but if they aren't home all day like you, you will be seriously lonely. SAHM friends are the only way to have something to do during the day that does not involve people under 5 foot tall. Also, no matter how good your working friends are, they will never be able to understand what it's like to be you.
5. Ten minute hobbies. You need something "grown up" to do during the day. Maybe not everyday, but something at least a few times a week. Unfortunately because you stay home you'll have 15 minutes at most to do anything uninterrupted. I know this seems odd because most kids nap, but getting more than 15 minutes, in my experience, just isn't possible.
6. A good sense of self. It is so easy to lose yourself in your children when you work. As a SAHM, it is super easy for your entire being to wrapped around your children. While that can make you a great mom, it sets you up for a big heartache when your children leave the nest. I would argue that having a strong identity outside of your children makes you an even better mom and a better wife. That doesn't mean you ignore your children and work out at the YMCA for 4 hours everyday, but it's important to know who you are without your children.
7. A date night. My husband and I rarely went on dates before I stayed at home. We just felt with both of us working it wasn't fair to the kids to leave them with a babysitter every Friday night. We found plenty of time to be together without kids. We would take a long lunch and go to a movie or have stay-at-home dates after the kids went to bed. Between not having a lunch time babysitter (daycare) and the allure of stay-at-home dates gone now that I'm home all day, we just don't seem to get much time alone. So, we have to be a lot more deliberate in making sure we get away.
And last, but not least...
8. A willingness to be unappreciated. This is by far the hardest thing. At work there is (hopefully) a daily sense of accomplishment and at the very least a pay check to let you know what you do is valuable. That doesn't happen as a SAHM. Your kids take your presence for granted, your husband takes your presence for granted. I have a fellow SAHM friend who said, "It's great being a SAHM because I take care of the margins. If something comes up, my stuff can get dropped (because my stuff always gets dropped) and I can take care of it." For your own sanity you have to be willing to let your stuff get dropped. This has been by far the most difficult part for me, but I'll get there.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Oklahoma Tornado
It is my absolute nightmare to have my children away from me during a tornado. My heart is broken for those parents who have lost or have not yet found their children. I can only imagine the fear those poor babies felt and the anguish the parents must have felt trying to get to them. That worry and fear is one of the terrible blessings of being a parent. May the love and grace of God cover those gone, missing and searching.
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